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January 5th, 2006
08:41 pm - Betrayal most foul
When I find that debilitatingly doltish do-gooder, Ninja Person, I will tear him/her a brand new... I will stuff him/her into a... I will knock him/her into...
Blast! Confound! Fie!
He/she will SUFFER!
How dare he/she escape with my pleasantly androgynous woman, Brock Stringham?!! And they KISSED!!! Brock would never stoop so low as to fall in-league with such a vile and despicable low-life HERO like Ninja Person! Not when she could have one such illustriously stunning, powerful, and EVIL despot as myself!
Would she?
Would she ally herself with this minor hero of little note, who has thieved upon me, who has stolen from me, who has HUMILIATED me before my peers in the super villain community?!!
BETRAYAL! BETRAYAL MOST FOUL! She will PAY! Brock Stringham, that vile, loathsome whore will PAY for deceiving me, for stringing me along, for VIOLATING my trust... MY LOVE!
(This is exactly like what happened to my cousin, the other Lord Darthac, when his evil assistant, Louise, seduced Hothag the Mighty, freed him from the dungeon and helped destroy Cousin Darthac's dread castle of doom!)
It is fortunate that I now have the NEW and IMPROVED Watterson Transmogrifier! While turning UN Inspectors into little tree frogs was a minor feat for one of my mystical (and otherwise) potency, the Transmogrifier will allow me to transform living tissue into inanimate material!
Then, Brock will never leave my side. She will forever grace my presence... my garden... AS A STATUE OF SOLID MARBLE!!!!
MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Darthac out.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/angry.gif) enraged
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January 3rd, 2006
02:06 am - To Do List:
1) DESTROY NINJA PERSON!
2) Switch to Energizer batteries.
3) Baby Chimpandillos are not fierce enough. Switch their diet to raw meat.
4) Send mother a chimpandillo beanie baby so she will stop whining that she never got one and she's my mother.
5) Cancel Minions Temp-service contract.
6) Have puny minions make reservations at the Galactic Destroyer Diner and Steakhouse for romantic dinner with Brock Stringham.
7) Retrieve Glowing Red Rock to power the World Doom-O-Matic.
8) Reset Doom-O-Matic setting for rain of kangaroos instead of frogs. Kangaroos are larger and jump farther.
Darthac out!
Current Mood: enraged
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September 2nd, 2005
06:50 pm - Love Is In The Air
These last few days...? Weeks...? Months? I remain uncertain how time has passed me by this last while. It seems as if it has been months, but perhaps it has only been the span of a day or two. I am uncertain. Time passes in such strange and inexplicable ways when one is in love.
The time distortion device has helped too.
I mean, after all, what else could I do but slow time so that I could spend more of it with my newfound love. That viperous, venemously tongued media darling who has captured my heart. She has torn my heart from me, just as surely as I would tear the very molten core of the planet from the orb upon which we dwell.
She completely understands me. She sees and understands that I am not out to rule the world because I am some sort of megalomaniacal maniac. It is because I know that I can rule the world much BETTER.
Matox's Incantation of Perceptual Adjustment has helped too.
Hearing her scream at that illiterate ingrate, that nonsensical Ninjaperson is like music to my ears. I would have muzzled him, if only it didn't illicit responses from her and her cacaphonic cackle.
When I have finally recovered my little red rock, I will most certainly use it. I will use it to activate my super-powered space station and with it I will carve her name onto the planet:
"BROCK STRINGHAM!"
Darthac out!
Current Mood: in LOVE
Current Music: Strangers in the Night
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March 29th, 2005
08:14 pm - Damned Supers!
Dear Diary:
Blast! Fie! Fie and Blast! May those rotten supers ROT! DAMN the Foundation! May the ROT AND SUFFER!
My greatest creations! My glorious and all-powerful cybernetic chimpandillo armada, reduced to petting zoo attractions by that horrifyingly vicious viper, that mind-controlling harlot, DIVA! That wretched whore has them rolling over to get their bellies scratched by small children! And she had them made into stuffed animals. And BEANIE BABIES! Chimpandillo BEANIE BABIES!
They hijacked my controls! Fie and blast, Bluetooth technology! This is the last time I rely on existing technology, those moronic, ignorant technocrats at Ben's Bargain Basement and their useless hackable hardware!
Well, the good news, is at the very least, I still have that smarmy little gender-neutral prat, Ninjaperson in my prison. Teleporter! Ha! Let's see how he/she contends with my Quantum Singularity and Dimensional Interface Disruptor (those guys at Starmart Villainous Supplies sure know what they're doing).
Soon, he/she will divulge where he/she has put my Glowing Red Rock, and then my orbiting battle station will be complete, and I will RULE THE WORLD!
I am also enjoying the company of his little friend, Ms. Stringham. She has offered to interview me for an upcoming issue of People Magazine. It is my intent to spread the word of Darthanism, the system by which I run the great and mighty Principality of Dartha. We do after all, have the best health care system and highest literacy rate in the world. All should tremble under my rule!
Darthac out.
Current Mood: enraged
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February 6th, 2005
08:34 pm - Dare not Belittle the Master of All Creation!
Dear Diary:
Those heroes in the Foundation! One day I shall destroy them ALL! If my monstrous chimpandillos do not, it will be my giant orbiting battlestation from whence I shall rain firey doom upon the citizenry of White Stone!
If I can get back my glowing red rock, that is.
That prattling little beast, that Ninja Person! That little sneak-thief, stealing my rock! I shall destroy him/her when I have him/her in my clutches! And, how dare he/she mock me?!! Does he/she not know who I am?!! I am the cosmically horrifying Lord of all Creation! I am Darthac, august master of the Principality of Dartha, soon-to-be ruler of White Stone, New Dartha!!! I am not one to be belittled! I am ALL POWERFUL!!!
...
It's all Heroman's fault. What a jerk.
How dare he mock me? Sure, those guppymen were... they were lame. But, I was just starting out! I made them from My First Evil Laboratory® for malevolence's sake! How dare he judge my vile genius based upon such an early and failed attempt at genetic manipulation? Does he not realize how much more powerful I have become?! Of course not! Because that braggart has no comprehension of what I represent! He does not realize how I will destroy them ALL!
He shall see.
Now. All i have to do is make those stupid Chimpandillos put their darned Armadillo-shells back on. Honestly, they're like dogs in sweaters, they don't know what's for their own good.
Darthac Out.
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January 22nd, 2005
05:53 pm - Please Rise...
Citizens of White Stone, In the United States of New Dartha (formerly the United States of America). Please rise for the playing of the national anthem:
GLORIOUS DARTHA PRINCIPALITY OF EVERLASTING DOOM
Great and Glorious, shining Dartha,
Great, land of tyranny!
We pledge our souls unto your service,
For all eternity.
Darthac mighty lord and master,
With his iron fist.
He crushes us beneath his heel,
Where we all squirm and twist!
Oh, Lord Darthac, august ruler,
Master of all things.
To you we pledge our very souls,
To you, oh king of kings!
You frightening scary evil despot,
Our horrifying lord.
We worship you in all your glory,
We are your evil horde.
Bless this totalitarian country,
For its evilness
Bless this fearful dictatorship,
For its fearfulness.
Great and Glorious, shining Dartha,
Great, land of tyranny!
We pledge our souls unto your service,
For all eternity.
For all eternity.
For aaaaallll eterrrrrrrnityyyyyyyyyy
GREAT DARTHA!
I would also like to announce that I have executed the national anthem chorus as one of them was singing off key. I will now be accepting any applications for new singers.
Darthac out.
Current Mood: enraged
Current Music: The National Anthem of the Principality of Dartha
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January 2nd, 2005
01:40 pm - Lord Darthac's Recent Broadcast
Below is a transcript of Lord Darthac's recent broadcast during the current chimpandillo crisis in White Stone. It is believed that Darthac is using some sort of jamming signal to hijack the airways:
"What?....
"I'm on?...
"What are you talking about? You didn't finish counting down... you stopped counting at three...
"Your fingers? You were counting down on your FINGERS? What are you TALKING about, feeble worm?!! Guards! Have this man executed!
"Ahem.
"My loyal subjects of White Stone, New Dartha. I am displeased with your service to me. My chimpandillos are annexing your city, even as we speak, and you have yet to turn over the cowardly hero, Ninja Person. I suggest you proceed quickly with the dispensing of said hero, before my chimpandillos RAZE YOUR CITY TO THE GROUND!
"It should be evident to all of you by now that your heroes in the Foundation are of no use to you. I have seen no evidence yet that they are even responding to my conquering horde. They are obviously a cowardly lot who fear the power of I, Darthac, Lord of All Creation. Heroman COWERS before me! Diva stands not in my way because she recognizes my strength and longs to shudder in my terrible embrace!
"You heard me, Heroman! Your woman knows a REAL man when she's being invaded by one, you blue-skinned sissy!
"Ahem.
"Turn over Ninja Person or I will kill you all.
"Darthac out."
Current Mood: enraged
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December 25th, 2004
02:08 pm - Happy Holidays Feeble Worms!
I decided I should take this time to wish all of my soon-to-be subjects (feeble, unsuspecting citizens of White Stone who don't realize they will soon be subjugated to my will), a Merry Christmas.
Enjoy your pagan ritual dinners of turkey and stuffing while you can, for you will soon come under the one true religion, the worship of I, Darthac, Lord of All Creation! This time next year you will be revelling in the Feast of Dartha and enjoy the tradition of gift giving... TO ME!!!
MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Darthac Out.
Current Mood: enraged
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December 22nd, 2004
10:40 am - An Open Letter to Ninja Person
Dear Ninja Person:
It has come to my attention that you are the do-gooding hero who dared to enter my kingdom and disturb and sully the sacred home of myself, dread ruler of Dartha, august ruler of all he perceives, mighty sorceror and certified super genius, Lord Darthac the dread lord and master of darkness, light and all the greys in between.
You should tremble before my power. You should fear my might. QUAKE AND TREMBLE NINJA PERSON FOR THE EVIL RED EYE OF DARTHA HAS BEEN TURNED ON YOU!!!
This is a courtesy message to inform you that I have unleashed a squadron of my cybernetic chimpandillos to destroy you. Please feel free to beg for mercy, however, I should tell you that I am not a merciful ruler. Just yesterday I executed my head chef for putting arugula in my salad. He knows I hate arugula AND YET HE PUT IT IN ANYWAY!!!
Your crime, is of course, far more heinous. YOU STOLE MY GLOWING RED ROCK YOU PUNY WORM! Turn it over and I may make your death quick and painful (as opposed to slow and painful).
Do not try to run. Do not try to hide. I SHALL DESTROY YOU AND BRING DOWN THE FIERY RAINS OF HELL DOWN UPON YOU AND INCINERATE YOUR PUNY MORTAL SOUL UNTIL ALL THAT IS LEFT IS ASH AND SOOT!
Yours truly,
Lord Darthac, August Ruler of All He Perceives
P.S. What is your gender? I am uncertain if I should insult you with misogynist names or sully your honour by calling your masculinity into question. A reply would be greatly appreciated.
Current Mood: enraged
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December 13th, 2004
06:54 pm - DESTROY NINJA PERSON!!!
Dear Diary
I have discovered the infamous individual who has insidiously stolen my ingeniously engineered glowing red rock! It is with great shame that I realized that it was one of the rookie superheroes of the repugnantly do-gooding Foundation who somehow managed to stealth into my impenetrable fortress of everlasting doom.
I have summarily executed all of my security personnel and replaced them with giant cybernetic chimpandillos.
Though I no longer have the funding to send a full invasion force, I am currently dispatching a squadron of my chimpandillos to capture and interrogate the foolish Ninja Person, this foolhardy hero who dared to cross me! First, I will ask where my glowing red rock is and then I will tear out her... er... his... um... its...
DAMN THAT NINJA PERSON AND HIS/HER GENDER NEUTRAL NAME!!!
DAMN THIS POST-MODERN ERA OF ANDROGYNOUS POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!!!
This foolish do-gooding hero will tell me where my red rock is so that I can activate my orbiting battle station and RULE THE WORLD!
And then she/he will tell me what his/her gender is so that I may use the appropriate pronoun when cursing his/her name!
Until next time, diary, Darthac out!
Current Mood: enraged
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November 8th, 2004
05:35 pm - Budget Cuts
Dear Diary:
I have been informed by my Minister of Finance that there are no funds to support the invasion force I had prepped to punish The Foundation for their theft of my glowing red rock. I had that Minister of Finance and yet feel no satisfaction.
The next Minister of Finance was executed because he could not free up the funds to launch the army. The Minister of Finance who followed was also executed because he lied about having the money to launch the army. I finally decided not to launch the invasion. I was running out of politicians.
It turns out that taxes are tied up in the orbiting battle station. I am currently perturbed and must find out who stole my damned rock so I can power the battle station, and yet haven't the funds to launch the invasion force necessary to recapture said rock. Such self-fulfilling bureaucracy enrages me.
In the meantime, I will quietly bide my time until such opportunity to destroy the infidels arises.
Until next time, Darthac out.
Current Mood: enraged
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November 3rd, 2004
09:16 pm - My Little Red Rock
Dear Diary:
I am Lord Darthac, August Ruler of all that I perceive. I am undeniable power, I am master of the universal forces of science. I am adept of mystical might. The laws of physics are mine to command. The unutterable fury of magicks too terrifying to behold, too awe-inspiring to believe are mine to wield. I am regent of the powerful principality of Dartha! My armies of minions are mine to lead!
And somebody stole my @#$%ing glowing red rock!
I know that it was one of those miserable do-gooding cretins from the Foundation. They actually had the gall to cross the border into my kingdom, past my many and varied minions, sneak into my stronghold of evil, past my murdering robotic sentinels, into my laboratory of doom, and they took my glowing red rock!!!
I am currently prepping an invasion force. Nobody steals my red rock and gets away with it. That thing was supposed to power my orbiting battle station. I spent millions on that orbiting hunk of scrap and now it's just a giant paperweight!
I will make that foolish mortal pay for his impudence! I shall tear him from the very fabric of reality and feed him to the demon hordes of the fifth ring of hell! Until then, I will take small comfort in the knowledge that the radiation from the glowing red rock has most likely left the thief impotent and sterile.
Until next time, Diary. Lord Darthac, out.
Current Mood: enraged
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